the burning of my flesh keeps our best interest
a relapse into excused people pleasing
it is in my best interest to tell myself that i am not a liar but the concealer of the truth i do not act on what my head tells me to anymore what is best for that moment has become better it makes the impact more predictable and regret less applicable but i am nor a manipulator it is a mere requirement for keeping myself alive keeping my love alive i would regret to hate you i must do what is necessary to keep this love at risk at bay but i am nor a martyr so again nothing i say is a lie it is a simple single path of the indefinite routes i would like to choose to take the least or less harmful one the one with less regret with that being said it is in my best interest and ours that i clarify i am no liar but an avoidant of regret a friend of resentment instead i find that resentment is natural, it is an object of failed perfection as perfection is only natural to fail in there it is existing despite the obsession to get it all right i find that resentment is a great opposite of regret a perfect replacement even so finally i am perfect i choose what you will most likely digest the best and i mean it so i take what you may not like the best and i throw it in the fire with the rest of what has become ash there so the conversation and myself and you can rest and i can spend time working on resentment instead of regret regret is awful see it congeals in our stomachs like clogged drains unable to flush with affirmation and it builds until there is one option left and that is forgetting forgetting the grease that has settled and the coldness that keeps it there but when i am when you are when they are when we are ignited again the heat makes it boil and burn you melt me from the inside out fry what i thought has been replaced so effortlessly with that being said i am no liar i am an impossible grease fire i spread like disease and i am uneasy to put out ignited i spread and spread and spread until i make sure the ground of earth is the sister of hell inside of me and around me and i ruin it all for both you and me that house that we’ve worked so hard on building collapses into embers and i know my way out because i built a bunker to hide myself in forever when its all over you knew your way out with a route to your next home because you planned this too our unwilling nature to trust the skeleton of our home didn’t allow us to notice that it wasn’t brick or drywall that completed it, it was a shadow of itself yet the air still burned or rather a light has shined on it and it disappeared ever so quickly regretful i didn’t blow the candle out that fell while we were dancing because you said you needed the light regretful that we ever danced and waltzed the relay that we ran until our lungs collapsed or was it the smoke? im off track again i am no liar but i am contempt. i conceal what is the best for me and everyone around me. i am now silent when need be. i am no liar. i am tactful. when there is nothing to be said or rather too much to say i say the best thing to make the pain go away quickly. and no one knows this, or anything else, more than me because i know what is in our best interest and it will always opposite of what is capable of my resentful, burning flesh.
i must learn to not explode and burn.